maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
