I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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