Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
