3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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