I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
