just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
