Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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