From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
