handjob tips. give me some.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
