Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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