wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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