he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
