and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
