she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
