Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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