DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize