the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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