I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
