Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
