Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
