I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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