So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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