somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
