I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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