My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize