Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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