Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
