Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
