There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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