i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
