I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize