how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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