we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
