Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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