I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
