Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
