Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
