How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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