garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
