Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
