you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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