Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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