There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
