god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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