were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
