Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
