I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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