Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
