oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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