for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
