this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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