Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
