it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
