He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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