I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
