like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
