she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
