On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
