worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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