just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
