hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
