Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
