if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
