I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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