You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
