my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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