After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
