at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
