no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
