i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
