Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
