I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
