Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
