if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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