I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
