if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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