Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
