so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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