Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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