I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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