i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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