God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I believe in your delicious
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
