none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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