this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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