she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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