Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
