we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
