they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
