Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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