how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
