So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
