Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
