I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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