i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
